Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Yankee Candle Sent Me a Care Package and Now My Life's Complete

Last month, I wrote a blog post - perhaps it'd be better to call it a love letter - about and for Yankee Candle in light of their then-recent voluntary recall of the Luminous Collection. I'm sure most of you had noticed before that blog post (or this one) that I have a small addiction obsession stalker-tendencies pretty intense emotions about Yankee Candle. I won't bore you with all the details - mostly because I am confident you know what a link looks like by now and if you don't please see the underlined "about and for Yankee Candle" above and consider if you're too innocent for the internet right now - BUT I will say that it was a tragic story of me lighting a "peasant candle" and falling from the grace of Yankee Candle, only to find my way back again. And it was all factual. Not lying. That's what makes it factual. ~Factual~.

Per usual, after sharing the post on (ryan)vention, I harassed Yankee Candle's poor social media person/team(?) (by the way, Mr. Conroy - if you're somehow reading this and are still on the social media team - your Taco Bell serenade to the jingle of Part of Your World is everything that's good and pure in the universe. Also Tyler Conroy I am not a stalker - I just got REAL curious about who was behind the social accounts for Yankee Candle) and tweeted my love letter to them:




As always, I assumed they wouldn't respond and I would fall into a complete and utter state of devastation for being rejected by my true mother (that's right, Tammi - I know I am an alien from the planet of Yankee). As always, they responded with a candle pun - the best kind of pun:


THE "L" WORD. AND I DO NOT MEAN LEMON.

Satisfied, I thought it would end there. I went back to decorating our Christmas tree and listened to the gentle melodies of one Josh Groban and/or Michael Buble - because really, they both play the kind of music everyone talks over at semi-upscale chain restaurants - feeling the Christmas cheer and bragging to my husband that Yankee Candle and I are best friends. No, no one specific at Yankee Candle - just Yankee Candle itself. Then my phone chimed again. I opened my Twitter app, and what I saw was a direct message from Yankee Candle asking for my mailing address. I was, not for the first time in my life or on this blog, unable to form a coherent thought or sentence. I'm pretty sure my initial reaction was something like this, "CRAIGWAZHAPENYANKEESENDMENUTMEGWUNTMYADREZWUTDOIDO!?!?!?!?!" 

To which Craig said, "You need to respond immediately." Because, reason.

Once I calmed myself, I responded, and that was it. I wrote a post literally because people had been asking my ~opinion~ about the voluntary recall and because I had the audacity to light a "peasant candle" in the darkest of times, just looking for some validation in the form of a candle pun IF THAT. I couldn't focus on decorating the Christmas tree anymore. I wanted to write another blog post immediately following the news because I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY FEELINGS. I am pretty sure I ate pizza that night, because pizza and celebrating and #FoodStaple.

Now, Evie O'Connell taught us a long time ago that


Yes, I found a way to use a Mummy gif
You know when you're anticipating something really exciting, like a trip to Disney World or the pizza delivery guy knocking on your door, and it's ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT? That was me for the last month. Every time I heard a UPS truck, I launched myself out of my recliner, not sure what was happening.

Me every time UPS entered the neighborhood

Well, y'all, something amazing arrived home on January 17, 2017.

♫ Hello, it's me ♫
Upon seeing this box, my first thought was - is this really happening? Followed by WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO!?!?


My next thought was, "Okay, calm down crazy sauce. Go grab some scissors to extract the goods from your home planet." I started cutting the tape, gently reminded myself to BE CAREFUL WHO KNOWS WHAT'S IN THE BOX. The tape taken care of, I opened the flaps of the box.



Mama didn't raise no rude boy, so I ignored my impulse to grab Nutmeg - THE OFFICIAL YANKEE CANDLE VILLAGE BEAR - and do this:



And instead opened the envelope with my name on it, hoping fruitlessly that it was a one-way ticket to the planet of Yankee. 




I've had a theory for some time that when I finally get to visit Yankee Candle Village in South Deerfield, MA, the moment I set foot in the store, everyone there will hear the rumble of jets underfoot, the tearing of the root systems under the building, and will feel complete weightlessness as the MOTHERSHIP finally takes off 


to take her prodigal son back to the planet of Yankee - a place where cheese is a vegetable, wine flows in the rivers, all cats have warm and loving homes, and men the likes of Chris Pratt ride majestically upon wild unicorns and NO ONE BATS AN EYE BECAUSE IT IS SO NORMAL AND TAKEN FOR GRANTED.


Instead, it was a note from Wade, Director of Retail Operations and Sales. Like, what!? This is why they're the BEST BRAND. For real.

*Reads note, sobs promptly because DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE DISNEY DID NOT LIE*

Now, it isn't unusual for me to smell random phantom Yankee Candle fragrances, like, ever. I'm pretty sure parts of my olfactory system will never be the same and will always sense phantom smells. But this one seemed... ~macintoshy~. I smelled the note, because of course. It wasn't that. I smelled the envelope, it wasn't that. That's when I saw Wade's business card, which has a picture of a Macintosh large jar on it. I think to myself, no. I lift the business card to my nose. All I have to say is: OF COURSE YANKEE CANDLE HAS SCENTED BUSINESS CARDS OF COURSE THEY DO. NOT KIDDING. NOT A DRILL. EVERYTHING IS MAGICAL.

In all the excitement, I nearly forgot about the true prize: Nutmeg. I promptly removed him from the box, snuggled him, provided Grizabella with her eviction notice and informed her that her services will no longer be needed, and then noticed two suspiciously jar-shaped treasures lying wrapped in tissue and bubblewrap and discover two beautiful, Yankee Candle Village exclusive large jar candles.



This first one I unwrapped was New England Maple. You guys. I can't. I'm not so good at describing scent notes and all that, so I'm going to do my best to describe the smell to you. This candle smells like MY CHILDHOOD and also INNOCENCE. A Connecticut boy originally, I remember my mom making her own maple syrup on the stove whenever we had breakfast for dinner - also known as brinner, the best meal there is. This is the scent that filled our house on those cold winter nights. It's like Vermont (because Vermont is just overwhelmed with rivers of maple syrup, AS EVERY ONE KNOWS) with a hint of that booth at the craft mall that has cross stitched decorations that say things like, "What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's." It smells like mountains of fluffy flapjacks and even bigger mountains of butter overflowing with maple lava.

I'm really sorry, Yankee. I'm not so good with describing the scents but you have recreated my childhood and bottled magic into a jar and that's all that matters.


The second large jar I unwrapped was New England Blueberry, and it smells like Grandma's knowing smile as she looks on proudly after you manage to consume her entire apple pie, only to ask, "Are you hungry, dear?" while shoving a blueberry muffin INTO YOUR MOUTH WITHOUT YOU EVER ASKING HER TO BECAUSE GRANDMA IS JUST THAT GOOD AT LIFE. It's the perfect summer kitchen candle, and it reminds me of freedom, push pops, and the Fourth of July.   


I am overwhelmed. I never expected anything more than a reply, a like, or - at most - a retweet from Yankee Candle when I wrote about them, and any of those outcomes have gone well beyond my wildest dreams. I truly love this brand, and it's clear they love their fandles - even the crazy ones. I've never been able to make it to either of their flagship stores, but lucky for me, Yankee Candle saw fit to send me a generous piece of the motherland to my door step. I am so overjoyed. I am so lucky. And I'll never forget this moment.

Special shout outs of thanks to Mallory, who carefully packed my box of goodies, and the brilliant social media team of Yankee Candle (I don't know who you lovely candle angels are, but you are better than sliced bread - and I really like bread).


Best. Day. Ever. Do you have a story about Yankee Candle? Share it below!

I want to connect with you, so be sure to follow me on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram @ryan_vention!


Follow the rest of our adventure (so far...)

Are You There, Yankee Candle? It's Me, Ryan
Fan(dle) Girling So Hard
Craig, Destroyer of (Yankee Candle) Dreams
Confessions of a Candle Fandle


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