14 Things I Learned About Selling a House

The biggest event of 2017 has been selling our first home together and buying our second home, and it's admittedly the biggest macguffin we've undertaken since I first started the blog. Now that we're in our first "our" home (since I just moved into Craig's house like a piece of Walmart furniture) and I've had time to reflect on the entire process while poolside with an umbrella drink because I'M A KARDASHIAN NOW, I wanted to share the things I learned and experienced while selling our first home. Because, #expert.



1. You take the smallest criticism about your house as a personal attack.

*Scoff* "No, YOUR appliances are in rough shape."

2. You check Zillow for the views and saves more than you check Facebook for notifications.

Millennial need for social media validation at a whole new level.

3. You start using words like "equity" even though you have no idea what they mean.

Because you're a damn adult now, and adults talk about equity. 

And if someone has the audacity to ask you what "equity" is, you just look them right in the eye and you say, "I'll tell you when you're a GD adult." Conversation over.

4. You low key panic every time you check to see if the house you want is showing up as "Sold" or "Pending" - because you're waiting until you sell your house before putting an offer on the table for THE DREAM.

5. You suddenly realize that you're actually living in filth.

Did we ever put cobwebs up for Halloween, or are we just disgusting?

6. You find out that not everyone has your taste in decor or clutter. 

Realtor:* "Your house looks great! Just make sure you clear off the counters in the kitchen, hide all your books, put away all of your photos and personal items, re-tile the bathroom, replace the carpet, and repaint all the walls. Ideally, make it look like no one has lived here since 'Nam. Otherwise, your house is PERFECT."

Me:


*For the record, our realtor Ashley Coker was AMAZING. Also the quote above is not in any way a direct quote from her.

7. You see your house post on Zillow and think, "Man I want that house." And then you feel really confused.

Maybe we should stay?

8. Sometimes you remodel an entire room in a day and you think, "That was so easy. Why didn't I do this before?" 

*Calls HGTV* "Yes, hello. I just remodeled a WHOLE room and I think I'm ready for my own television series. [...] Mhm, mhm - well actually I painted it. [...] Okay I bought the paint and my husband did everything. [...] Actually, I've never set foot in a store where they sell paint and I haven't even seen the remodeled room in my basement, but I have a pretty face."

9. You set unrealistic expectations.

Craig: "When I bought the house, it went on the market and sold the same day."

Me, a week into selling the house: "Why isn't there bloodshed on our front lawn from the seven buyers who should be engaged in the Great Bidding War of Our Home?"

10. You have to pack up your most treasured items, and it feels like you'll never be able to unpack them again.

All my candles and books as I packed them away:

11. You feel like the biggest creep when you have to go park somewhere random with your animals during a showing, because no one will take you in for thirty minutes.

Mother-in-law: "The dog can stay but you and the cat should go find a street corner."

12. Sometimes someone announces that you're moving on social media ~super casually~ before you've had a chance to inform anyone other than your immediate family, leading to mass hysteria.

Directed at husband:

13. You have to get comfortable with the idea of total strangers hanging out in your home, and you are basically forced to not be there.

Just think of it like a party at your house you weren't invited to. #HighSchoolAllOverAgain

14. You start cleaning every day, and realize if you just clean up after yourself every day, you wouldn't have to clean for an entire day every week.