Confessions of a Candle Fandle

I think I have made my position on Yankee Candle quite clear:

My position on Yankee Candle

Yankee Candle and I have had some good times, many of which have happened on this blog:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit D 1/2

Exhibit E

Exhibit E 1/2

Exhibit F: the official (ryan)vention candle is born

It may not be a "normal" relationship. I might be an outlier in term of brand advocacy and brand loyalty. I may have once been offered a job in one of the stores by a candle nymph because I was helping a friend pick out fragrances for every room of her house - both by scent and by color consistency because some people are difficult (sorry, Jamie, but I #CallItLikeISeeIt) - and the candle nymph thought I had already worked for Yankee at some point in my life. I haven't. I think I scared them with my post Are You There Yankee Candle? It's Me, Ryan, even though I considered it to be a cover letter and resume of my qualifications to one day be CEO of America's Best Loved Candles (I'm still waiting for the phone call, Yankee Candle gods).

I have never wavered EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME when I purchased Mahogany Teakwood from Bath & Body Works, aka a scent that NONE OF US DESERVE, and its three wicks burned my first apartment bathroom into luminous, fragranced glory. But I digress. #Confession1

Yesterday, a painful topic was trending on the social media: Yankee Candle recalled 31,000 candles. Bonus points to People - not usually my go-to news resource - for the clever title Candle Scandal. But also:

So what happened? ~ Journalist Voice ~

Yankee Candle released their Luminous Collection in September 2016 and sold them in stores until November. This particular collection came in six scents - sea salt and coral; blackberry and sage; apple blossom and melon; sugarcane and honey; pine and sandalwood; and cinnamon and cedar - in exclusive square ripple glass containers. 

Fast forward to today, and it turns out that the square ripple glass containers - when lit - may crack and pose what Yankee Candle identified as a "laceration risk." The (best) company (on the face of the planet) has since voluntarily requested that all Luminous Collection candles - 31,000 candles in total - be returned for a full refund and a free candle, as confirmed in a statement by chief executive Hope Margala on Thursday, December 8th.

Lucky for me, I have friends and family who care about me. Last night, my sister sent me this text:

You'll excuse me for not seeing the humor and hence not laughing my posterior off.
And yes, that is a photo of my sister before her First Communion.

And this morning one of those friends reached out with the following:

Before we go any further, I want to address the post above. "Better tell Grandma." First - LOL, USA Today you little MINX, you. Second, I think I'm offended a little bit. Third, being a grandmother is everything I am actively aspiring towards, so I'm no longer offended and I am actually honored. #CallMeGranny

Folks, this recall has taken a toll. It has been a dark time, probably because I have been wandering around my house with only candles to light my way for years now and I no longer have "normal" human vision because of it. The recall has confused me. 

Another Ryan confused by the Yankee Candle recall. And also using
another gif from Just Friends because I love Just Friends

I lost hope. I lost THE LIGHT. And in my lost-ness, I found a different light. A non-Yankee light. For the first time in - four years? - I began burning a non-Yankee branded candle. And, gosh, did it fill my entire home with FRAGRANCE. My house smells like a bakery on the corner of Main Street USA and a miracle on 34th Street in Stars Hollow, Connecticut. #Confession2

My peasant candles

You listen to me - NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME. I lit a non-Yankee branded candle, AKA a PEASANT candle, and lit three tealights around it. And you know what? I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the peasantry of it all. And you know what else? I instagrammed it. That's not even true. I direct messaged it. To MYSELF. I couldn't even bring myself to instagram my shame.

"But Ryan, you're blogging about it right now." Yeah, WELL WHO ASKED YOU TO HAVE A RATIONAL OPINION!? I'M SORRY, dear readers, this has been a VERY HARD WEEK AND IT IS ONLY TUESDAY I THINK.

Me holding up my peasant candle, asking the Candle Gods
why they have forsaken me

In sum, I had a meltdown and betrayed the brand whose love I have gone on record to express and publicly embarrass myself with. Please see Exhibits A - F above for confirmation.

Indeed, I lost hope. I almost had a ceremonial burning of all of my candles at once, because I knew that if I did that, the ozone layer would be gone and the Hubble telescope could see the glowing wicks of my dreams dying. And if Hubble can see it, then surely the Candle Gods could see it, too - what I've resorted to for them to hear my plea.

And then - like a shirtless Chris Pratt sipping wine and eating a large vanilla soft serve cone on a unicorn at a Dairy Queen drive-thru - something magnificent happened. The Candle Gods heard my plea and this happened:

Me upon seeing said post. Also me when I saw my
official (ryan)vention candle for the first time.

If this isn't proof of the Candles Gods then I don't know what will convince you heathens.

Apparently this has been happening all month and I had no idea, but you can enter to win prizes daily this December at YankeeCandle.com/CountDown. They have new prizes every day (so if you could go ahead and wait until tomorrow to enter so as to not ruin my chances to win Nutmeg and these two scents, I'd appreciate it) as well as one big ginormous grand prize valued at $750. 

I blew out my peasant candle, entered to win, wrote this post, and took this picture:

This is happiness. GOD BLESSE US EVERY ONE.

By now you might be wondering if I am actually getting paid for these posts - I assure you, I'm not (but Yankee, if you're listening, I would probably do things my mother wouldn't be proud of for some small jar candles). I almost didn't even post this one because I knew it would decrease my chances of winning Nutmeg and these two beautiful New England-exclusive scented candles. But, because it's the holiday season and because Yankee's been getting put through the ringer over this Luminous Collection, I wanted to share because #sharingiscaring.

Now go blow out your non-Yankee candles and light up your favorite holiday scent*, take a picture with it, enter to win (starting tomorrow DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME**) some prizes, and show Yankee - #AmericasBestLovedCandle - some love. 

*Unless it's part of the Luminous Collection - go return that for your full refund and a free candle! I'd pick Red Apple Wreath, personally, but if you want All Is Bright then #ThatsNoneOfMyBusiness.

**Just kidding. But remember, if you win, Christmas and my birthday are just around the corner...