'bout dem 'lutions (and other updates)

Remember that one time when I threw shade at everyone who has made New Years resolutions? Remember that one time when I made a list of macguffolutions (which is just my loser way of trying to brand my New Year resolutions) and said GOSH DARN IT I'M GON' STICK TO 'EM (...in the same post where I proclaimed resolutions were stupid)? Remember when I sounded super confident about it? Remember when I said that I would scoff with all of you on December 21st, 2017 if I didn't stick to them? Remember when we all collectively decided at that moment that we would schedule an all day event on December 31st, 2017 to scoff at my failure to stick to these macguffolutions?

Good times.

And then remember how I never talked about those macguffolutions again?

Oh, I bet you're all so smug sitting in your little reader seats with your judgey little reader faces because you already know where this is going. WELL GUESS WHAT YOU DON'T SO JOKE'S ON YOU because it just so happens that I am KILLING IT on one of those five macguffins. 

Fine. I admit it. I have super sucked on four out of the five macguffolutions I set for myself. Are happy now, dear readers? I SAID ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? What do you want me to do - die!?

Actual footage of my overreaction/defensiveness and
a judgy faced reader.

I bet you want me to just take my dreams and tear them apart just so you can sit there with your little judgy tea cup on December 31, 2016 and say, "Told yourself so."

Tearing up my dreams and drinking tea with peasants...I'm not doing that. Instead I'll be dishonest and modify them for success. Below you will see the original macguffolutions with cross outs and modified content. I should be ashamed of myself but I'm mostly desperate to make these as reasonable as possible given it is July 1st and I've pretty much blown it with all of them.

1. So-Sloth-You-Probably-Thought-I-Forgot-About-It Snail mail. That's right, I'm going to go old school like a peasant and rely on people's forgiveness for their maybe 6+ month belated birthday card and the United States Postal Service to deliver my messages. We're talking Thank You notes, Birthday cards, Christmas cards, sympathy cards, "get better soon" cards, "just because" letters, and maybe (just maybe) some monographed stationary. My Mom was always so good about sending cards to people for special occasions and it's a tradition I would really love to start for my new family perhaps successfully next year. My goal is to not actually sign up for a subscription box devoted entirely to stationary and greeting cards because of reasons related to the fourth macguffolution - I just need to find the right one for me (if you have suggestions, please be a friend and do not let me know). So what I am trying to tell you is this: I am going to send out birthday cards to everyone I missed between February 1st and now before end of day December 31st, 2016.
2. Read at least 50 (new) books. This goal is multifaceted. One, I need to read more. In grad school, all I did was read and write. However, it has been a while since I have seriously read for fun. Two, I think that getting into the worlds that others have created will only help me in my own pursuit to create my own worlds again. It's a habit I need to reform. Three, I own a lot of books that are in need of reading and I know Craig won't let me buy any more until I get serious about reading the ones I already have... Four, it'll give me a reason to spend money on a little reading nook in my office. Plus, audiobooks will give me something to look forward to when I commute to work every day. For your information, I am 14 books ahead of schedule for meeting this goal. I have read 38/50 books!
3. Less Not increasing my current levels of negativity. It is really easy for me to get caught up in the negative aspects of a situation, a person, the future... I can and do appreciate cynicism, and I would label myself as a pessimist, but there is a difference between pessimism and cynicism and negativity. I'm challenging myself to reset my thought processes when I start going negative, especially when it comes to the people around me. Not saying I've sucked at this, but I think this macguffolution requires a level of introspection I have not yet reached. HAVING SAID THAT, I have placed crystals around the house in the hopes that they actually hold magical powers and they will help center me. 
4. Set a budget and stick to it from July onward. This one is really challenging for me. I spend money like I've got it and I've basically already set myself up for failure in January, February, March, April, May, and June on this one. It's not that Craig and I are living paycheck to paycheck. We are incredibly fortunate in that we don't have to do that but my spending habits kind of almost make it so that we do have to do that. However, we do enjoy traveling, and that costs money. So here's to spending less of it now so we can enjoy it later. I found out that I am mediocre at setting a budget and not so great at actually executing said budget. I also may have gone through a period where I bought a lot of books and spent a lot of money in the process.
5. *Gulp*. Send something off for publication and if that doesn't happen I am just going to sit in a corner and pet the bound copy of my thesis and the textbook wherein I am listed as a third author in one of the chapters. I have plenty of material that's just sitting here doing nothing. I may as well try to send something off somewhere for publication. The textbook thing is true, by the way. I just have yet to buy a copy of it due to the events discussed in number 4 above, so I haven't written about it.

So there you have it. An dishonest reappraisal of my macguffolutions. You may as well keep the scoffing appointment on your calendars. I'll probably panic and blame Grizabella for not successfully completing all of them on December 31st, 2016 at 11:59pm.

As for the other macguffins discussed on (ryan)vention...

• I reverted to eating pizza and being fat, so that's going well.
• I do feel that I have found my voice again in writing, and I am doing it more often. I've found lots of voices, actually, but that's probably a separate issue.
• I have been exploring my spiritual beliefs a bit more, but I have not really tackled the whole "let's try out different churches and religions" macguffin I set for myself here. I still feel good about the progress I am making toward understanding myself and my spiritual beliefs, though.
• I have been journaling more when I am feeling weightier emotions I don't feel are appropriate or fun to discuss in the blogosphere.
• I am for sure still eating cheese, cholesterol, movie theater popcorn, ice cream, butter, and pizza on the reg AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT BECAUSE EACH BITE TAKES HALF A MINUTE OFF MY LIFE SPAN. However, I have avoided liver for my 27th consecutive year (thank you, thank you) and I honestly do not think I've had any mac and cheese since FebruaryJUST KIDDING THANKS FOR NOTHING TAMMI, and I have greatly decreased my intake of burgers, baked goods, and fried things since February.
• I still love Yankee Candle, though I've stopped harassing them on social media (for now).
• I have not had another Pad Thai (or any other food related) meltdown.
• I've continued embracing my introverted nature. I barely leave the house anymore!
• I'm so good at theater widowering I sometimes forget Craig exists.
• Almost everything in my post The Writer has been going well - with the exception of writing 1,000 words a day. 
• I stand by my theory about Crossroads.

If you're reading this, thank you. Seriously. I know I threw shade up there with words and gifs, but I've been a pretty terrible blogger lately. I wrote nothing in May, got ~real~ in June, and then all I've given you for July is a list of failures and accomplishments. I've got about 500 pages full of ideas on what to write about, so more content should be on the way eventually. Thank you for reading and for your constant support with an inconsistent narrator.

Just a reminder that you can follow the blog now on instagram (ryan_vention) and Twitter (ryan_vention) - a whole lot of nothing happens there, but whatever. 

Until next time (which is hopefully not so long).