It's probably a little dramatic to say that I had some "health scares" this week, but given that I am 27 years old and that my doctor had to give me a bit of a wake up call regarding my physical health, I don't know that "health scare" is an unjustified statement.
There's a long narrative preceding the events of this week, but it can easily be summed up this way: I am a hypochondriac. I'm the guy who feels a tickle in his throat and, after two minutes on WebMD, I have diagnosed myself with a terminal illness when, in reality, I'm just the guy with a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat.
As a result, it shouldn't come as any surprise that I have had the same mole checked six times (not being dramatic) because I have convinced myself that it is melanoma. Now, in my defense, the mole is under a tattoo and it has always been slightly raised (a fact I choose to ignore), so I am adamant that the little heathen is plotting against me due to its disguise. Of course, every time, the doctor tells me, "It's nothing to worry about. Just keep an eye on it for any changes or irregularities."
This particular mole also happens to be particularly hairy - so hairy that it sometimes feels like I have a third pet (I'm gagging with you). Well, that changes last week when all the hair just kind of...fell off. Naturally, I panicked and made an appointment and began picking out headstones. I arrived very promptly to the doctor's office on Tuesday morning and, much to everyone's shock, it turns out that the mole is not cancerous.
By now, you're probably wondering why I wasted your time with that story and perhaps sent you into a panic over my mention of "health scares." Obviously, there's a reason.
The medical questionnaire the nice lady gave me in the waiting room seemed mildly fun at first, but writing down the medical history of your parents and grandparents and being as honest as possible about your own health needs or concerns can be telling.
In my last post, I talked about my mental health and my plan to balance myself emotionally. It turns out that that's probably an even better idea than I originally thought. On that not-so-fun questionnaire, out of the five "Mental Health" categories I was asked whether or not I identified with, I was able to cross off four. Now, I'm all for checking things off of a list. I love lists! But, obviously, this is one list I didn't want to have: irritability, depression/loneliness, anxiety, and nervousness. What was number five? Suicidal thoughts. No, none of those (thank goodness), but the fact that I was able to check off that I am irritable, anxious, and nervous and that I have bouts of depression/loneliness isn't exactly making me leap for joy, either. It's not that it was news to me. I am aware of it, and I don't want to spend much time on this other than to say that both my doctor and I are happy with my decision to journal everything that's making me feel that way and, if necessary, to revisit the topic at a later time.
Okay, so that's my plan for mental health. But that's just one side of the coin...the less scary side of the coin at this point.
My family has a history of heart disease, heart attacks, and high cholesterol, so we are basically walking Happy Meals. I am the direct descendent of two men who have had heart attacks in their 40s. You'd think I would try to be pretty healthy, right? Well, you know what they say about history.
Naturally, my family's colorful pedigree was one that my doctor took quite seriously, given my current weight and the fact that I had to check "No" in response to the question, "Do you exercise?" Thankfully, my blood pressure was low (I was surprised), but my doctor wanted to be proactive. He wanted me to be proactive. So, he ordered two tests: cholesterol and diabetes. These are two words I've been dreading for some time now.
Thankfully, no diabetes. My family doesn't have a history of it so I wasn't totally worried about it or surprised by the result, but I am grateful either way. My cholesterol levels, however, left much to be desired.
124 mg/dL. According to several charts I looked at across the interwebs like this one, I am in a bracket considered "Near Ideal." Of course, "Ideal" is 100 or lower, so I am certainly not as near to ideal as I could be. Should this be cause for concern? Maybe not. But being 27 with a cholesterol level that is less than ideal is, well, not okay. I don't want to have a heart attack at 40. I am already predispositioned to stress, anxiety, and nervous, I really don't need anything else to increase my chances of heart problems.
My first thought was, "Well, bye cheese. You're welcome, lactose intolerance." My second thought was, "Is there cholesterol in wine?" (no, there isn't). After bypassing that potential tragedy, I began researching which foods have high levels of bad cholesterol. All I have to say is that it's no surprise that mine is less than ideal. So, it's time to get serious about making changes. No more cheat days every week or every day (what I like to call "cheat daze"). I may not be totally unwell now, but I want to be well in the future.
So, without further ado, I am going to more or less restrict the following foods in my diet moving forward:
- Dairy, especially cheese and whole milk. Seriously, my lactose intolerance is grateful.
- Margarine and other oils high in trans fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol. Good. I liked olive oil anyway.
- Buttered movie theater popcorn. Oh, the humanity. The cinema will never be the same.
- Baked goods. Those aren't chocolate chips in those muffins. They're tears.
- Macaroni and cheese. Monsters. YOU MONSTERS.
- Hamburgers. Bye, Red Robin Royalty status.
- Fried everything. Chicken, fries, oreos. Except during the State Fair. Not sorry 'bout it.
- Ice cream. Is froyo an option?
- Butter. Paula Deen, eat your heart out. Not mine.
- The big one: Pizza. NOT THE 'ZAHHHHH!
- Bonus: I am going to continue keeping my distance from liver. *Shudder*
My husband also took the news to mean that we are elderly. See photo evidence below.
I know, I'm sad too. Let's drink wine about it. Hold the cheese.
No comments:
Post a Comment