I like to think of myself as a reasonable merman. So when the Yankee Candle gods smile their Crest White Strips smiles upon us lowly yellow teethed peasants WHO ARE NOT WORTHY OF THEIR LOVE AND ADORATION, we should not hesitate. We should not disrespect them.
No, we go to our local shrine, we fit as many jar candles in our arms as we possibly can, then we hand those over for the lovely candle nymphs to put behind the counter while we get another arm load, and then we open up our wallets and WE GIVE THEM ALL OF OUR DOLLARS BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT ALL FAITHFUL CONGREGATIONS DO, OKAY?
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| YANKEE CANDLE IS HAVING A SHOP LIKE |
So anyway I showed the above advertisement to Craig, Destroyer of Dreams. This is the conversation that ensued.
Me: "Craig, can I get a budget because I was an idiot and said I would agree to a certain budget on Yankee Candle every year in my vows?"
Craig, Destroyer of Dreams: "We have no money for candles."
Me: "DAMN IT CRAIG I WANT TO SHOP LIKE AN EMPLOYEE AND THEN BLOG ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES!"
Some time goes by.
Me: "FIFTEEN DOLLARS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY."
Craig, Destroyer of Dreams: "No more! Lol."
Lol? In a time like this? HE'S A MONSTER.
Me: "I CAN GET SILVER BIRCH. YOU LOVE SILVER BIRCH."
Craig, Destroyer of Dreams: "We don't need candles!!!!"
Me: "DO YOU THINK I HAVE 40+ CANDLES BECAUSE I NEED THEM!?"
Craig, Destroyer of Dreams: "No more! Lol"
Oy with the lol's already!
Me: "CRAIG PLEASE. IT'S MY ONLY HAPPINESS IN THIS WORLD. EXCEPT FOR YOU. AND GRIZABELLA!"
Craig, Destroyer of Dreams: "Lmao"
Lmao. The audacity. While I am suffering and in pain, my husband chose to NOT comfort me. Instead, he laughs his back porch off. Like I asked to be this way? I blame my Tammi, because that really is the easiest scapegoat. When Tammi wasn't putting me in trash bags for Halloween, she was burning a Yankee Candle - mostly cinnamon scents because she wanted our home to smell like an antique store at all times. Once again, THANKS FOR NOTHING, TAMMI.
***UPDATE*** Tammi defending her choices yet again. And also me. THANKS FOR THAT, TAMMI.
I harassed complained to Yankee Candle's amazing social media team about this and they responded. So, day made.
Anyway, here are some really dramatically staged pictures of my plight from my iPhone. GO FORTH AND PROSPER IN THE GLORY OF SHOPPING LIKE A GOD.
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| LOL GRIZABELLA'S FACE. |
by the way love the hat...
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